9 and a half months

It’s been 9 and a half months.
9 and a half months since I ran for my life to our dark basement.
Since I watched windows shatter, insulation burst, and walls cave in.
Since I cried out to God and prayed that He would be with me.
9 and a half months, and I’m still broken.

Each day honestly brings something new to the table. Some days I will notice a sound or a smell or a feeling that will snap me back to that dark day. Lately it has been breaking glass, sirens and warm weather.
A couple of days after the tornado I had a song in my head with the lyrics of “Remember your people, remember your children, remember your promise oh God.” That was my prayer, but more than that, those lyrics were my desire. I felt abandoned by God and only hoped that He hadn’t forgotten me. Though I know that the Lord is close to those who are brokenhearted, I did not feel close to God. I felt anxious and more than that, alone.

9 months ago my world changed. Everyone said that I would just need to find a new “norm.” Which I have, but it’s been difficult. The warm, spring breeze that tickles the back of my neck reminds so many of good and beautiful things. I feel it taunting me. With each swirl it makes around me, it whispers to me reminders of it’s destruction. I can almost hear it laughing at me saying, “here I come.” Now, looking to this summer I’m not excited to get out my shorts, flip flops and sunscreen. I’m looking to where I will feel safe in a storm. The church I work out of in Plymouth does not have a basement.. so where will I go? I have an 8 month old puppy.. where does he go in a storm? What if, by some strange circumstance, I end up in a tornado again?

My new norm is one of a bunch of unknowns. What I’ve learned in these past 9 months is that I can in no way, predict anything. I had no idea that day I jumped in the shower that when I exited the shower my life would be forever changed. I had no idea that sirens would make my entire body shake. I had no idea that the sound of thunderstorms, passing semi trucks, and trains would shoot me back to the time I spent in the basement.

So where do I go from here?

I honestly don’t know. What I do know and what I have learned is that I am a lot stronger than I give myself credit for. I have two amazing therapists, one incredible family and about a zillion friends who would bend over backwards to help and support me. My therapists have taught me how to remain calm, to give myself time and to allow myself to feel. Each and every painful moment. I can’t stop storms.. so my only choice is to live through them. Without Lynne and Judy I really would feel lost. Whenever I get down about where I am, and where I feel I should be, they are the ones who snap me back to reality. I don’t know if I can explain the love an admiration I have for them.

So for now I will continue to walk through each situation as it comes to me. I will continue to go to therapy, and I will continue to lean on my family and friends. Most importantly I will remember the chorus to the song that was stuck in my head, “Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me.”

Babies, babies and more babies!

Ever since I was a kid I have always wanted be a mother. I was kind of a tom-boy when I was little, but even then, I knew that someday I wanted to be a mom! Now I sit here 20 some years later and I don't have any children of my own, but I have 7 TreeHouse babies that I see on a pretty regular basis!
This past Saturday the newest boy was born. His mother is only 15, but she is so strong. She is not by any means ready to be a mother, but none-the-less, she has to be! And her son is SO beautiful! He was born at 3:32 pm on Saturday, July 16th. He is weighing in at 6.14 and 19 inches long, and his name is Lamaraion Du'Juan. I feel so blessed that I get to walk along side this young mother as she tries to figure out what it means to be a 10th grader, and a mother. I know she is scared, but I also know she will manage.
Sometimes I get angry that I am not married and having kids of my own right now, but then I remember the sweet faces of those 7 children that I get to see, and I know that God is using me right where I am at. Thank you God for allowing me to be a part of these teen's and their children's lives!
If you like to pray, please keep these kids and their parents in your prayers! Emily Jean (9 months) - Izayiah Dennis (3 years) - Baby Josh (10 months) - Karter Eugene (10 months) - Baby Paxton (2.5 years) - Lamarion Du'Juan (4 days) - and one of my girls had a baby who passed away at 2 months named Deajorah Dashay.

The Storm

Many people have been asking about where I was when the tornado hit my house, so I thought I’d just write it out! Plus, this is probably therapeutic for me.. or something like that! :)

At 2 pm on Sunday, May 22nd, I decided I needed a shower because I was going to meet a friend for coffee at 3. I hopped in the shower and the sky didn’t even look weird. I had seen some lightening and heard a little bit of thunder before I got in, but nothing to even make me think twice.

Towards the end of my shower the electricity went out briefly. It flickered on and off for about 30 seconds which was my first clue that something was not right. Then came the slow rumbling noise. It started out like a low thunder. It got stronger and stronger until it was shaking the whole house. It was at this point that my ears began to pop and I grabbed my towel to run downstairs. As I rounded the corner of my dining room the windows in the front of the house blew in. I felt it blow past me and blow out the windows in the back of our house. Simultaneously the windows above our couch were blown completely out of the house. Since we had just gotten that wall re-built, the insulation exploded EVERYWHERE! I made it down the stairs just in time for the tornado to rip off our second level. This was one of the loudest noises I’ve ever heard. I crouched in the doorway to our downstairs bathroom and cried out to God. “God be with me, God be with me, God be with me.” That’s the only thing I could think to pray.

I have never been so scared. The tornado only lasted a total of maybe 15-30 seconds (from what I can remember.) Once the noise stopped, I ran upstairs and grabbed my computer and phone. I called my mom and asked her what the heck just had happened. Our house was FULL of insulation. Almost all of the windows were shattered. There was dirt speckled all over the walls.

I noticed my neighbor Tammy was on her front porch and so I stood up on our couch and briefly spoke to her through our windows (which had now become a huge hole in the house) I asked her what had happened and if she was okay. I couldn’t really make sense of what was going on and I couldn’t figure out how to get dressed! I went over to my bedroom door and opened it, only to have my face speckled with rain drops. I looked up and saw nothing but sky.

From there I ran between my roommates rooms, trying to figure out how I was going to get dressed. I ran down stairs hoping to find some of my clothes in the laundry room, but it was like I couldn’t see anything. I just stared at the dryer (which was full of my clothes) and could not understand how I was going to put clothes on. It was so weird!

Within a minute of the storm I had neighbors running over to check on me. The man next door was there right away and asked if I was okay. He brought me some pants to wear. I just remember my entire body shaking.
A couple seconds later my other neighbor Tom came over to see if I was okay. By this time the sirens were going off again and he told me to grab my stuff and run. So I found my rubber rain boots and followed him. He said, “I know the best way to get back to my house.” I had no idea what that meant until I stepped outside. The rain was pounding down on us. We ran in between houses, jumped over power lines and ducked under trees. I couldn’t even see my car that was parked in our street. There were HUGE tree’s down everywhere. Many of them up directly from their roots.

As soon as I got to Tom and Jen’s house we ran downstairs. There was another young woman down there who had evacuated the bus she was riding. Tom grabbed her in from the street. I spent about the next hour or so in their house, holding their kids and playing with their dog, Curly! If it had not been for that family, I think I may have lost my mind! Just having those adorable kids as a distraction and Tom and Jen there, was a life saver for me! We played trains together. Something so simple, and yet so beautiful. They kept me grounded during that first hour after the storm. I am SO thankful to them, they have no idea!

Once Tom thought it was safe to go back to my house I headed back. I never thought I’d have to climb over tree’s and jump over power lines to get from one side of my street to the other. People were just wandering. Some were sitting on their front steps in disbelief.

When I got back to the house I decided to check out the damage. Our entire first floor was covered in insulation. The front yard was taken over by a tree that had fallen from across the street. In our back yard we had 3 huge tree’s down. They all fell towards our garage. Ean and Deven’s roof was on top of one of the tree’s. Half of our roof was on top of the other two tree’s. I have no idea where the other half of our roof went.

As I opened the door to my room I had no idea what to expect. I had to lift the wall off of the top of the steps and literally move the walls over to get to my stuff. Everything was wet, and everything was caked in insulation. When I looked from the top of my steps over my room, the only thing left was the cross on my wall. I had several things hanging in my room, and that was the only thing that made it. Seemingly unscathed. It was only being held up by a tac.

I was so overwhelmed with God’s grace and mercy for me. That through this awful and horrific event, He could still remind me that He was there. When I was in our basement and crying out for God, I know He was there. I came out of that tornado with not even a scratch on me!

Soon after being on our new roof, a woman came in our back yard and asked to come up to the house. I had no idea who she was, but I said sure. As soon as she came up she began taking pictures of me cleaning. Turns out she was from the star tribune. She asked about the storm and made nice small talk with me. Then as soon as she was leaving, a man from channel 5 came up with his video camera. He interviewed me as I cleaned my room. All of this was very surreal to me. It felt like a dream. At that point I was very calm and matter of fact.

Within the next hour or so, many people came to help clean. Holly and Robert showed up with some of their friends from bible study. Laurie and Erica, (friends from TreeHouse) came and helped gather up my stuff. Megan came with Mandy and helped grab things as well. My parents showed up shortly after and I was SO happy to see them. Sometimes you just need your parents to make things better. Plus they are always good for a laugh. My mom joked about how my room has a new great view, and my dad emptied the garbage out of his pockets onto the floor of our living room! They crack me up!
Neighbors kept coming by to check on us and see how things were going. Kelli made it home in time to pack a bag, and then we had to head out. It was so weird to watch all of my earthly belongings go off in bags. Some were complete garbage, and some were worth saving. My folks loaded all of it up into their car to bring home and clean. My guitar, drum and camera were all things I was worried about and all of them were fine. The drum got some water damage, but other than that, they were fine.

Kelli and I have been staying at our friend Erica’s house since the storm. Talk about an amazing woman. She has been sleeping only inches from me every night. Holding my hand, praying for me. It has been really hard to sleep since the storm. I wake up every couple of hours. I have strange dreams. I hear low rumbling noises and think back to the tornado. One night my body wouldn’t stop shaking. And Erica has just sat with me and listened to me and let me cry! I think I might be a crazy person with out her right now!

I often try to pretend that I’m a lot stronger than I actually am. (I think that comes from having older brothers and trying to impress them!) This week I have been weak and vulnerable in a way that I have never been before. I keep coming back to this verse, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2nd Corinthians 12:9

I don’t believe that God’s plan was to come and destroy our neighborhood. Not by any means. Sometimes, some really awful shit happens and I can not even begin to try to explain why. I DO however know, that God is SO active and present in our neighborhood. People are actually reaching out to each other. We have had countless random people, co-workers, family, and friends come into our yard and offer a helping hand. I have gotten to know my neighbors in such a significant way this week. I have hugged them and cried with them. I am so thankful that I have had the opportunity to get to know them in such a deep way.

I am so saddened each day when I have to come to realize that I no longer live on 36th and Emerson. This has been my home for only a year and a half, but it has been so amazing to be here. North Minneapolis often gets a bad wrap, but I don’t believe it’s bad at all. The people here have been nothing but amazing to me.

So please join me in prayer for the people of North Minneapolis. For those who are still living in their homes because they have no where else to go. For those with out power and water. For the people whose lives have been literally turned upside down. And most of all that God would be active and PRESENT in the lives of the people there.

Thank you all for your support. For your calls, texts, facebook messages, gifts and helping hands. I have never felt this much love surrounding me before! I am eternally grateful for each and every one of you!

God’s peace be with you :)

heather

Family

Subway is a great backdrop for conversations.
Last week I sat across from a girl named "katie" who has not been to TreeHouse in a while. She just called me out of the blue asking if I wanted to hang out and I jumped at the chance.
She recounted her life for the past 6 months since I've seen her last and it didn't sound very hopeful. Looking at her arms, they are covered in scars from her cutting. On cut in particular on her right forearm reads, "family."
This girl loves her dad. He has been on disability for several years now, and cannot contribute much to her life, but she loves him. He lets her drink and smoke weed at the house. He lets her stay up as late as she wants. He himself does not go to bed until all hours of the night. So it's no surprise that she often does not wake up for school. Since her father sleeps most of the day he does not notice that she is skipping school to sleep.
For this girl, this is normal!
She says she is happy, but I can see past that.
At TreeHouse one of the things we ask of our youth is that they not wear a "mask." Meaning, when you come to TreeHouse, don't pretend to be something you are not. This has always been a hard one for Katie. Her life has been so crazy since she was born, that often she will make up wild stories to cover up how she's really feeling. Even though she tells me with her mouth that she's happy, I can see in her eyes that she's not.
She looks tired, stressed and dirty.
I have no idea what Katie's future will bring. My hope for her is that she will learn to become more truthfully open with those around her. That she will somehow find her worth in God instead of drugs/alcohol/men. And that she will be happy.
If you are reading this and you like to pray, will you join me in praying for this young woman.
Thanks for reading -
peace be with you!
h

Golf Clubs

Hello all who read this!
Last week as I drove home from Chipotle with one of my girls, she began to unpack her anger from the past week. She had almost gotten into a fight at school because some girl was calling her racist names. Valorie was not going to take that from her, and so she stood up for herself. She (at first) politely asked her to stop. When the girl didn't, Valorie got a bit more aggressive and started yelling at this girl.
Long story short, they both ended up in the office! After Valorie explained to the counselor what had happened, she was released to go back to class.
She was telling me this in the car, and she said, "That girl just doesn't understand." I asked her what she didn't understand. She replied with, "That girl does not even know me, or my past, or what I've gone through. I remember a time where my mom was so high on drugs and living with her boyfriend, that she left me and my siblings to fend for ourselves for 9 months. Sure she came back to check on us when she wasn't so high that she forgot about us, but for the most part, we were on our own. So you're darn right that girl doesn't understand!
She has no idea what it's like to look at your 2 year old sister crying because she's hungry. She has no idea what it was like when my brother and I broke into a building and smashed in the vending machines with our dads golf clubs to get food for her. She just has no idea."
As usual I am speechless. These kids amaze me every day in the things they have survived. When I was in fourth grade, I was in girl scouts, softball and sunday school. I totally understand her instinct to fight. She has had to fight for her life since she was born. Currently her mom is sober from drugs and is trying very hard to patch up their relationship. Valorie speaks so highly of her mother for coming back and making an effort. I am simply amazed that she even has the strength to get up in the morning, let alone forgive those who have wronged her.
Praise God for this little girl (who is 18 now), Praise God for those golf clubs, and praise God for her learning to forgive!

Birthdays

Hello everyone! It's been a while since I've blogged but lots has happened with our TreeHouse and so I'm back now! This summer went by so fast and one of the main changes was that my boss left TreeHouse. He and I were the ones who set up and opened the Plymouth TreeHouse 3 years ago so it was very hard to see him go. Things are finally starting to settle down and get back to normal! Thanks for all your prayers surrounding this!

Last night I sat in support group with a group of pretty rowdy and rough girls. The two boys in my group didn't say much. One of the girls has been coming for about 2 years now and she thinks she is the stuff! It was her birthday this past week and when I asked her what she did to celebrate, she informed me that her mother won't let her celebrate her birthday anymore. Her relationship with her mom is so estranged that she won't let her get a cake, have a party or even really celebrate at all. She said that her mom does tell her happy birthday every year but that is about it. When I was younger my birthdays were always incredible! I had a hawaii theme one year, I got a brand new bike one year, and when I was a teenager I even got my own phone in my room! Amazing. But for this girl, birthdays come and go like any other day.
The worst part of it all is that her older sister get's a party every year. Her mom get's along much better with the older sister so she throws her a party each and every year. Leaving "Sammy" feeling even worse. This girl is only 14 and she can't remember the last birthday cake she had. I got to request my cake each year. She can't remember the last healthy conversation that she had with her parents. I talked to both of my parents on Sunday, and exchanged "I love you's" before getting off the phone.
I just can't imagine the immense amount of pain that these kids go through each day. I am so thankful for the life I have been given and so heartbroken by the lives my teens live. Please join me in prayer for all of the broken relationships in this world, and for all of the broken hearts of the youth at TreeHouse.
Thanks for reading! love you all <3

NICARAGUA!

Hey everyone! I just wanted to send out a quick prayer request for a group of four of our youth and my boss Tim who are currently on their way to Nicaragua. I dropped them off at the airport this morning, 7/14 and the kids are geeked! Two of them have never flown before and none of them have been out of the country before. Pray for their safe arrival, for calmed nerves and for their hearts to be open and willing to do the work of God this week! Thanks guys!